Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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