I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
