Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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