Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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