sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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