Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
