You're completely useless in the revolution.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
