I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
