I think I died a long time ago.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
