so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
