but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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