if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
