You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
