Pappa wants mamma naked
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
