Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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