Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize