Yo dont text me then not text me
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
