are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It's blow job season.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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