It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
