i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
