Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
