I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
