so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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