I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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