I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
