the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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