why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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