I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize