Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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