I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
