I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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