Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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