just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
