just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize