I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
