i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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