in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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