Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
