I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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