i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
