It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Of course I have a pirate flag
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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