captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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