so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
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