Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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