I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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