STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
