Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
