From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
