It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
