I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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