i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
sarcasm needs its own font
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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