i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
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