I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
