Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
