I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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