Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together

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(925): View more from California

I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??

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(612): View more from Minnesota

The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.

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(541): View more from Oregon

I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.

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(618): View more from Illinois

He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on

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(404): View more from Georgia

I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.

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