So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
