Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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