I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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