apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
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