ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
