She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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