i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
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