I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
