I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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