i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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