Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
